Editor’s Note: Karen McKinnon is dropping by today to offer up her insight into life as a mom in business for herself.

If anyone can lend a hand in working the kinks out, it would be Karen. With her busy house, growing business and warm sensibility, she’s mastering the art of learning how to say “When.”

Enjoy!

“Equal distribution of weight”: That is the dictionary’s primary definition of the word balance.

If I was to judge my life/work ratio by that definition I would surely fail. We often hear and read that we should strive to find balance. It’s a nice word.

But for those of us parenting and running a business, it’s ultimately a word – that’s just about it.

When I entered the world of the self-employment I realized that I would have to work hard, often with long hours.

When I became a mother I accepted the reality of late nights, tired days and not enough time for self.

What I didn’t realize is that the equation of motherhood + self-employment does not equal balance.

It’s far more complicated.  Even super woman would have trouble solving this one!

As a self-employed parent you often find yourself – in the middle of some parenting moment – drifting off to a land where you’re thinking of the work phone calls you didn’t have time to make.

In the office, your mind wanders to family needs that just need doing. Loving both, it’s totally natural.

But, without a bit of care it’s easy to feel like you are always working and always parenting with no separation – a recipe for burnout and resentment.

The first step in resolving the dilemma? Throw away the whole theory of balance. That’s never going to happen. Instead, I strive to find boundaries.

Can you imagine actually telling somebody “I’ve hit my maximum” and feeling empowered, like you are giving yourself and your family a gift? That’s what can happen when you come at work/home life from this perspective.

Before setting the boundaries for yourself and your family you need to set the tone:

Step one – welcome the business into the family

In my family my business is a family member, a very important family member that allows us to put food on the table.

I talk to the children about it in that way. There are things I like about this family member and things that are more challenging about it. I celebrate the successes with them and tell them when it has been a hard day and why.

We chat about why my clients are so important and they understand why I work so hard. This year we might celebrate my businesses birthday as a chance for me to congratulate us all.

Step two –Explain and model why working is important

This of course works better at different ages.

Get your children involved in the family finances, which can be as simple as helping them understand grocery prices or the cost of the tools of your trade.

Explain to them why at times you can have more money for things than others, and relate it back to your business that week. Your spouse might benefit from understanding your business finances as well.

Step three- Hire them

My children, since the age of 2 have had jobs in the office. Since the age of 5 they have learned that if they want to work in the office they have to complete their job. They are learning work ethic, which makes it easier for them to respect mine and are also paid for their work.

Step four –The perks, passion and pride

My family understands that having a self-employed parent means I work hard.

Sometimes I am pulled away from family activities to deal with work, and I work at home. I remind them that the perks strongly outway the drawbacks.

I am the mom who can volunteer at the school. I can take a week off and they can usually get me on the phone at a moment’s notice. However, these things only work if they remember to respect my work time.

I often show my appreciation for them respecting my tim by doing things such as visiting them at school for lunch.

I sell them on the perks, such as using my studio for birthday parties, getting the occasional freebie, and of course great photos. My children love having new photos of themselves, it makes them feel important.

My sister runs a yoga studio and her daughter’s perk is that she receives private lessons. The biggest perk is that mom loves her job, has pride in what she does and this makes the mama happy – simple yes, but very important to share with your family.

Help your family catch your passion and let them feel proud of you. Talk it up, not down.

Step five – Boundaries

Remember when I said to throw the word balance out the door and replace it with boundaries?

Barb Nicolle, of 4 Cats Arts Academy, has a 6-year-old, home-schooled daughter who feels great pride and ownership in what her mom does, this has helped Nicolle set the stage for implementing boundaries that her daughter has learned to respect.

The foundation plus the boundaries has set her and her family up for success. Boundaries help you respect your work and family time and help others do the same.

Boundaries can be:
Realistic
Clear
Changeable
and they can make you accountable to each other

Balance on the other hand can be easily lost.

The characteristics of self-employed and/or parenting does mean that you will be thrown curveballs. When those moments threaten to undermine life, passion for what you do and boundaries pulls you through.

Attaining balance when things in the business are busy and your child is fighting their second week with a cold while teething just isn’t necessarily realistic.

However, the boundaries you lay out and the support family has for them can help you get through those times without feeling overwhelmed.