Sex, Teens & Porn in the Mobile Age
Your daughters, right now, right this very minute without you even knowing it, are sexual pawns. Your sons learn a majority of their sex education from the xxx world of the internet.
Every time you send them off to school even the youngest of kids whom you thought would at worst be exposed to pop music or Bratz dolls are faced with a barrage of sexually charged images and encounters fed by the cell phones in the pockets of youth and teens everywhere.
A startling documentary Sext Up Kids which appeared on CBC TV The Doc Zone earlier this week brought the alarming realities of porn culture and the effect its having on our kids to light, putting us all as parents on high alert.
This wasn’t a prudish look proclaiming teen sex or sexuality as wrong or bad, more a cross-cultural examination at how the proliferation of porn has deeply changed the way youth and teens see relationships, respect for their partners, sexual violence, deviance and yes – even the way they have sex and use their sexuality.
The message in the documentary has sent waves of outrage and fear through the parenting community in B.C. and throughout Canada, forcing parents, teachers, communities, youth and teens themselves to the table to finally discuss a topic that may be even more taboo than having sex itself – pornography and the sexualization of very young girls.
The documentary itself discusses the realities of teenagers today. With unprecedented, unmonitored access to pornography through their smart phones and computers, the sexual climate in schools has gone from the classic horny teenager to sexting (texting sexually explicit messages and photos), sexual bullying and even physical violence and abuse.
So what?, you say. Teens sext. They experiment. They have sex. That’s what they do. We used to go behind the pizza parlor and make out. We used to sneak out and have sex with our boyfriends or girlfriends wherever we could get away with doing it. What’s the difference?
Here’s the difference:
Imagine your 13 year old texting a half-naked picture of herself to a guy she likes. Then he texts it to his friends, who post it on Facebook, where you see it and her friends see it and other community members see it. She’s humiliated. She’s abandoned and bullied at school for it. But, the boy who asked her to send that sexy photo of herself to begin with had been pressuring her for months. He’d even asked her to dance naked for him and take a video of it. He and his friends show off the porn they google or scored from other girls on the bus on the way to school, because lots of the guys do it.
You think it would never happen to your kid. Until you see her, half naked, on the internet. More than 20% of teens in B.C. report having taken naked pictures and/or videos of themselves…and those are only the kids who reported it. You do the math.
Yes, teen sex is a part of life – one that can be healthy and empowering. Just ask 20-year-old sex blogger and feminist Ness Fraser or 22-year-old sex educator and social justice activist Laci Green who have made a life out of advocating for honest, frank and real sexuality for all youth and teens. But, they too are standing up against the wicked effects that porn culture is having on pop culture.
Which takes us right back to our preschoolers, a place in kids lives where sex shouldn’t even come into play.
Fraser, Green and other educators say we need to start there because that’s where girls get primed for sexualization. You know those pretty princess dresses, high heels and tiaras in a land where 4-year-olds face off even in play to see who is the prettiest and the most likely to win the prince. When girls spend years playing nothing but princess, it gives them nothing to base their paradigm on except for pretty, what is on the outside. The emphasis on looks. This seemingly innocent play gets them ready for Katy Perry shooting whipped cream out of her boobs – every teenage boy’s dream.
One of the most startling comments about the princess factor: “This shows them there is only one way to be female in this culture and it is setting them up for a lifetime of abuse… The more girls perform for boys the less they think about themselves… Looking good is not a feeling.”
What kind of effect is all of this having on our kids? Experts and even teens themselves reveal shocking answers.
1. Sex is front and foremost in kids lives as young as 8 years old.
2. Depression, anxiety, suicide and eating disorders – particularly among girls – has exploded in the last five years.
3. Youth and teen boys now have extreme access to hardcore porn and roughly two-thirds are regularly checking it out.
4. Youth and teens are becoming their own pornographers, posting on Facebook, YouTube, Tumblr and other social media.
5. Girls are more worried about expectations from boys because of the porn culture.
5. Boys are becoming comfortable with the casual attitude toward sexual violence.
6. The Internet has become the defacto sex educator for young people. Sort of like you going and self-diagnosing through WebMD, there is massive distortion of what relationships and sexuality amount to.
7. As a result, clothes, music, toys and more are being sexualized and marketed to younger and younger kids all of the time.
This all seems terrifying, enough really to make any parent run the other direction because how do you tackle such a devious monster like kids and porn without forcing youth and teens down the road of hiding even more of their lives?
There are no easy answers.
But, there are ways to begin.
First, watch the CBC documentary and listen to what the kids are saying. Sit your youth and teenagers down and let them watch it with you. Language is power here and having that non-judgemental, raw conversation with them opens the door to more of them.
Second, live where your kids live. Are they on Facebook? Be there. Do they have a You Tube account? A blog? Monitor them. Take all electronics out of bedrooms in the evenings. You’re not going to catch everything. But, keeping an eye out and helping them understand the potential consequences (socially, not just with you) gives them a big safer base from which to work.
Give your younger children a wide base of activities to take part in. Let them get muddy. Let them have a doll they love. Instead of stereotyping boy/girl toys and activities give them universal toys. Monitor their exposure to racy music videos and movies.
Encourage healthy teenage sexuality. One of the most alarming conclusions of the documentary was that most teen girls aren’t doing it because they want to. They are sexting, performing public sex acts and more because they think they should.
In the end, be aware.
Kids should be kids as long as possible.
Category: Canadian News, COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT, Youth & Teens
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If you missed the documentary, you can find the full video at: http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html
I would also suggest that parents, take teens cell phones away every night – they will sleep better, and the likelihood of sexting will go way down.
Great article! Thank you.
Thank you so much for this timely post. Our community school is just starting on a path to get sexual health education into the school — largely because of dramatic changes noticed in the last couple years related to sexualized language and concepts in our school. We have it mild so far but hope to be proactive. There is another interesting initiative by an amazing women, Ines Almeida who has started the Chain of Girl Goodness campaign and videos and 7wonderlicious.com with a goal to pressure the corporate and media sectors into positive and healthy role models, merchandising and marketing for young girls. Worth checking out.
A few years ago there was a situation where a Toronto police officer, while giving a lecture to college students on how to stay safe, was reprimanded for advising them “not to dress like sluts”. The backlash was so severe that the chief of police had to issue a public apology. And not to actual prostitutes.
Yet, allowing your daughter to dress like Katy Perry, Lady Ga Ga, or Madonna (in the 80′s) while attending school IS part of this problem. While dropping off my daughter each morning, I notice that the boys look pretty much as they always have – jeans, T-shirts – while half the girls look like a Halloween costume or worse. And some workplaces are getting to be not much better as these girls enter the workforce.