Bumps
Buyer’s Remorse – Facing The Barbie Dilemma
Editor’s Note: Good morning! Karen Pantuso-Swanson is here with another insightful look at the trials and tribulations of parenting. Here she is:
“Math class is tough.” – Mattel’s Talking Barbie
I lost myself for about half-an-hour one Saturday afternoon. I’m not sure where I went, but another mom who buys high-heeled shoes and Barbies for her daughter inhabited my body.
Pip had seen an advertisement for Barbie on television, and had decided to spend some of her piggy-bank money on a doll. She’d also been asking for high-heeled shoes (like Dorothy’s) for weeks. After explaining that you can’t run in high-heels, that they’re very uncomfortable and not good for your body, I finished with, “They just don’t make high-heeled shoes for little girls.” I thought I was telling the truth.
Wouldn’t you know it, as we strolled down the toy aisle at Extra Foods, Pip spotted a collection of high(ish)-heeled dress-up shoes for young girls. They were three dollars a pair.
Pip was ecstatic, “Do I have enough money to get these Mama???” How does one resist the BEAMING spirit of a three-year-old? One doesn’t.
“Yes, you have enough money, Sweetie.” It was my voice, but clearly I wasn’t in my right mind. I haven’t bought a pair of high-heels for myself in a decade, and it’s not just because they would elevate me to taller heights than my husband!
Pip carefully selected a pair of shoes and I helped her remove her fuchsia boot so that she could slip into the delicate sandal. It fit. With the shoes safely tucked under her arm, Pip moved across the aisle to peruse the massive collection of dolls.
She stopped right in front of the Barbie doll with bright blue eye shadow, purple lipstick, a hot-pink, glittery mini-dress and stilettos. Pip was looking at the doll adoringly, and it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. This was not a toy that I wanted my three-year-old to idolize.
I was relieved to see Pip’s eyes move on to the Cinderella doll next to Barbie. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a fan of the Cinderella “You need a prince to live happily-ever-after” concept, but at that particular moment in time, Cindy seemed like the lesser of two evils. She wore an elegant, long gown and sensible shoes. Well, except for the glass part!
Without any prompting, Pip chose the Cinderella doll. Off we went to the cashier to spend Pip’s savings, and then I chauffeured a very excited little girl home.
When my husband saw Pip’s purchases, I could tell he thought I had lost my mind. “Wow, look at these,” he said, examining the shoes. His eyebrows were raised as he looked at me, and the best I could come up with was,
“She bought them with her own money.” Big Daddy-O gave me a look. You know the kind.
The next morning, while I was enjoying a glorious sleep-in, Pip somehow convinced her father to let her exchange The Lady for The Tramp. Before I could weigh-in, Cinderella had left the building and Pip was the proud new owner of the hot-pink Barbie.
When I asked Pip why she had taken Cinderella back to the store, she said that she thought the prince would choose Barbie instead of Cinderella. Can you believe that? I think my jaw literally dropped open. It was at this point that I returned to my former self and realized that I had made an error in judgment. I did not want Barbie in our home.
Now, I realize that I can’t shelter my daughters from all of the negative female images that society foists upon us, but must I welcome them into my home? It just feels wrong. My husband is in full support of “Operation Barbie & Heels Removal”, but now I’m faced with a bit of a dilemma.
Do I come clean with my three-year-old daughter, explain my rationale behind the Barbie-boycott and then take the doll out of her wee hands? No. That would be torturous for both of us. I’m resorting to something much more deceitful: the mysterious disappearance of Barbie.
At the moment she’s in a basket atop Pip’s wardrobe, where she cannot be reached. It has been days since Pip last played with Barbie, or asked about her, and I’m ready to remove her from the premises altogether. All I need is an opportunity and an alibi.
If Pip asks about The Tramp, my current plan is to plead ignorance until I can properly articulate my beliefs in a way that my daughter will understand.
As for the shoes, well, I’ll be employing the same strategy. Mind you, Pip has fallen twice while wearing them, so I don’t think they’ll be missed.
Whenever I feel guilty about the prospect of removing Barbie, I just think about Pip’s bed companion. Pip sleeps with an adorable little stuffed pig named Wilbur. Now, that’s more like it.
MEET KAREN
Karen Pantuso Swanson is happily reinventing herself through writing and photography after teaching in the classroom for fifteen years. She writes a week-daily blog called, The Grateful Mama, and recently published a gift-book of the same name.
Karen lives in Comox with her husband, two young daughters, two cats and a dog.
Maybe try an “Only Hearts Club” doll? Much more acceptable than Tramp Barbie.
I hate Barbie. We’ve avoided that so far. But, we have those exact same pair of shoes. They have been the cause of many a bum plant.
I never wear make up and hardly wear jewelry. But, my 3 year old is obsessed with it. Whenever we meet any friend or stranger anywhere that has big sparkly jewelry or obvious make up, my daughter tells them how beautiful they are. We bought my daughter kid make up because she was starting to do her own make up with thick crayola markers. I was really glad they were washable ones but horrified at the bright green eyes. I don’t own nail polish but she convinced me to buy hot pink nail polish for her. I have checked to make sure there aren’t any media influences in her life that reinforce this love of all things sparkly and goopy. So, I’m left just horrified at clearly rocks her world. This has gone on for almost a year now with no signs that this stuff could disappear without being missed daily. My husband says I should relax, accept the fact that she is different than me and just play with her and her stuff. Deep down though I am totally uncomfortable and am fighting it every step of the way. Which way is the way to go?
with my step-daughters, came some barbies. I was mortified. I didn’t have barbies as a kid, and nor was there ever going to be one in my house!
However, I found that it was very easy to dialogue with them about what’s wrong with Barbies and was an easy segway into looking at photos of women in magazines and dissecting what is false about it.
The barbies stuck around for a bit, there was some great creative play, and then they decided they didn’t like them anymore, because she was was too weird looking and the kids didn’t like her for all the right reasons.
I realized by allowing them to have them it opeened up some great conversations, ones that might not have happened until later years otherwise.
I am happy they are gone now – but, really, the barbie thing wasn’t as awful as I was worried it would be.
We managed to avoid all things Barbie until a birthday party. At that party, she received a Barbie and a Bratz doll. If you think Barbie is bad, let me tell you, Bratz make Barbie look halfway normal. Now all my daughter’s beautiful pictures have these enormous lips. I am horrified. I think I will take Karen M’s advice and start talking to her about my feelings on the matter and see where we end up.
Basically, my thought is that it can be worse than Barbie!
Consider ditching the TV.
Sorry, my comment got cut off! Funny and interesting article. I have also made some toys slowly move out the house. I will have chats later about our lifestyle decisions, she is only 4 and so I like to preserve some of her playful innocence for now. Having no TV exposure has helped to keep some of the themes at bay. My daughter loves to be ‘beautiful’ and get dressed up. Because she has silks, felt and a few fairie skirts and some golden flat shoes in a tickle trunk, for now the beauty is expressed largely through her imagination. We have talked gently about how beauty is from the inside and have told impromptu stories about beauty shining from within. Well, we’ll see! Raising a girl in these these times are interesting. Check out Even Ensler on this Ted Talk for an empowering view of girlhood! http://www.ted.com/talks/eve_ensler_embrace_your_inner_girl.html
I am ok with Barbie. They get played with in the same imaginative way as stuffies, playmobil, lego etc. They go camping, have jobs and recently have gone to University. I think if I tried to eliminate Barbie from our home, they would have become an obsession. I think I could have created a situation where Barbie DID have something that my daughter wanted but she could never have-the looks, the prince, whatever. I haven’t made it an issue and Barbie is not an idol or an obsession. Just another toy.
I had a feeling this would provoke some serious discussion today. Thanks everyone for jumping in with some great perspective.
We have a serious Barbie aversion at our house, which has been more of an issue with the adults around us than the tiny person who just loves pretend play. We’ve had to detox the house a few times from gift-induced pop-culture overload.
I’ve always been of the mind that girls will get more than enough opportunities to have to face their changing bodies and societal stereotypes as they get older. Giving them dolls that reinforce that stereotype as small children makes me wonder if Barbie hadn’t been the roll model, would Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears be pop culture icons? Would the Bachelor pick the bimbo?
We have compromised, though.
There’s a pre-screen process for anything Barbie around here – particularly movies. Barbie Thumbelina and the Barbie Christmas have been the ones that made it through. I have to admit that I very much enjoy these movies as they have great messages about the environment, respecting people with different abilities and being good to friends.
Then, when it comes to dolls, I always take the “let’s look around and see if we can find something that works for all of us.” Inevitably, we end up with something very un-Barbie as the 4-year-old is easily re-directed. Thankfully, M isn’t really into dolls and much prefers fairies and “magical world” sort of things.
Every once in a while, I’ll go to pick her up from preschool and she’ll be running around in a Barbie costume, which makes me gasp for a minute. I keep telling myself to breathe and then head out to the beach with her to dig in the dirt for a while.
Very interesting comments ladies!
Kathy, funny you should mention the Only Hearts Club doll…that has been our compromise. These dolls have bodies like my five year old neice and they wear sneakers! Both Pip and Fig call their Only Hearts dolls ‘Barbie’ but that is fine with me!
Karen M. Your words are VERY encouraging. What a brilliant outcome! Having your girls decide to ditch Barbie for themselves is so much better than having toy restrictions imposed upon them. I hope to have the same dialogue with my daughters as they get a bit older.
Amanda: Good advice, and Bravo to you! Pip didn’t watch any television until after she turned two, but once her sister was born I did use the TV as a babysitter at times. I’d have to be upstairs nursing the baby while Pip was downstairs by herself and I let her watch Treehouse so that she wasn’t banging on the nursery door wanting me! I can see a shift to ‘movie-watching-only’ in the near future.
Thanks to you all for joining in the dialogue!
Just thought I’d include a bit of information I came across as I was writing the article. I found a study online called, ‘Does Barbie Make Girls Want to Be Thin? The Effect of Experimental Exposure to Images of Dolls on the Body Image of 5-8 Year Olds.’ Author Suzan Ive states, “dolls provide a tangible image of the body that can be internalized as part of the child’s developing self-concept and body image.”
It was found that girls’ desire for thinness emerges around age 6 and that dolls like Barbie, because of their iconic status, are likely to act as salient role models, at least for very young girls. Ives states in the Discussion and Conclusion section of her research, “[Findings] showed that very young girls experience heightened body dissatisfaction after exposure to Barbie doll images but not after exposure to Emme doll (or control) images.”
In other psychological studies in the past, it has similarly been found that children who play violent video games are later proven to be more aggressive, even though they are merely playing a “game” and not reenacting reality.
Food for thought!
I grew up with Barbie, cops and robbers, mud pies, fort building and a huge amount of outdoor play. Our daughters both have more Barbies then I had(a large collection handed down from my Aunt from the early late 60’s), but they also have a wide range of other interests, which include a lot of outdoor play. We have had discussions about Bratz dolls and how unreal they are and our daughters know we will not allow them into our home. Our daughter was obsessed with them whenever she saw them. We have had to get rid of 1 that was given as a gift and she was aware of how we felt before she received the gift. We allowed her to thrift it for another thrifted toy. We have had many discussions surrounding this issue and I know that the girls get it when we hear them talk to their friends about the Bratz dolls and why they are not welcome to live in our home.
Can I check back with everone in 7-10 years!!
While I am not a big fan of Barbie, the idea of my little girl one day wanting, and getting one, does not bug me. I firmly believe that toys will not have a negative influence providing that the parents do their part in teaching kids right from wrong, and all that stuff.
Both my wife and sister grew up with Barbies, and they both turned out great. On the flip side, I grew up playing with toy guns, violent video games, and all that stuff that is highly controversial today, and I have never hurt a soul, broken the law, or even as much tried smoking or drugs. I have a successfull career, a house, a new car, and a fantastic family. I believe it comes down, 100%, to parenting.
While I am not a big fan of Barbie, the idea of my little girl one day wanting, and getting one, does not bug me. I firmly believe that toys will not have a negative influence providing that the parents do their part in teaching kids right from wrong, and all that stuff.
Both my wife and sister grew up with Barbies, and they both turned out great. On the flip side, I grew up playing with toy guns, violent video games, and all that stuff that is highly controversial today, and I have never hurt a soul, broken the law, or even as much tried smoking or drugs. I have a successfull career, a house, a new car, and a fantastic family. I believe it comes down, 100%, to parenting.
Raise your kids properly and they will turn out just fine
Awesome story. I haven’t read all (any) of the comments as my time to “read online” had run out just now, but I really enjoyed this writer’s telling. Thanks!
I am 100% against Barbie. I HATE her with a passion (and I’m a general all loving person). I never played with Barbies, and for sure my daughter would NEVER have one. That’s until my 3 year old, standing in front of a sea of dolls at the store one day looked at a Bratz doll with wonder and whispered “she is soooooooo beautiful……”. All of a sudden, Barbie wasn’t looking so bad.
As much as I wanted to avoid them altogether, there is a bin of them at preschool and her friends will have them. I decided halfheartedly to pick one out that wasn’t a “career” barbie (can’t she just be a doll???), and keep it strictly as fantasy as possible. We found the most dressed (long sleeves, long dressed) princess barbie that we could to bring home.
There will never be a unattainable, perfectly dressed, hair done, nails done, in high heels, hot pediatrician Barbie in my house, but I think that I’m moderately at peace with one fantasy princess one…
Karen, I can totally relate to the temporary moments of insanity and the fact that it takes time to formulate your thoughts and rationale around an issue to articulate to your kids! I’ve so been there! With my little boys, transformers are more the culprit than barbie and my husband is way more relaxed about it than I am. Whatever the “evil” may be, I also agree with other commenters who discussed the importance of the communication that goes along with the toy. Thanks for your thought-provoking article!
My pleasure, Marcie!