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Marcie has a Master’s degree in Resource and Environmental Management and Bachelor's in Education. She has worked in teaching, recreation and tourism research. She has learned much about wellness in the workplace and beyond. Now raising her two boys, she’s applying these lessons to parenting. Marcie grew up in the South Okanagan, but Vancouver Island is home.

The Makings Of A Confident Mom

Posted by Marcie Dumais on March 18th, 2010 11 Comments Printer-Friendly

Editor’s Note: Good morning. Marcie Dumais is on site with a look at the top traits that make for a confident mom. Here she is:

Over Spring Break, my kiddos and I flew to Penticton to spend time with my parents. This meant a quick flight to Vancouver, followed by a few hours in the Vancouver Airport and then an hour flight to our destination. This experience was absolutely exhilarating for my little boys who think the world of airplanes, pilots and things that go.

In terms of my confidence as a mom, however, the trip felt like a series of Olympic events with the other passengers acting as the judges. Events included restaurant-etiquette, boredom-busters, not-losing-a-kid, nutrition, hygiene, not-ticking-off-other-passengers, souvenir shopping, and my biggest challenge, the-boys-getting-along-with-one-another. Judges used snickers, eye-rolls, frowns, knowing smiles, laughter, helpful gestures and comments to critique my performance.

I had visualized my sport well. I was prepared. I had a seating plan. I knew where the play areas were in the airport. I had a child-containment method (a.k.a. umbrella stroller). I had healthy snacks. I had treats to pull out just in case. I had new books. I had small toys. I had activity books. I had wipes. I had remembered to pack the sippy cup filled with fluids. I was well-rested. My two-year-old and five-year-old could recite four airplane rules, “stay in seat, keep seat belt on, no yelling and no fighting.” I looked confident on the outside, but was frazzled on the inside.

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Coincidentally, our trip came around the same time as this article. I had been mulling over the traits of a confident mom and brewing about the whole notion of confidence. As moms, we are hit daily with images and messages in the media that tell us we’re not doing it right, that we could do it better or that we need particular techniques or equipment to succeed as parents.

But what if you put all that garbage aside and focus instead on truths in your family life, truths that give you the confidence to be the best mom that you can be?

What if you choose to believe in yourself and your ability to make good decisions?

What if you consciously let some things go, so that you can focus on what is truly important in your life?

Wouldn’t life be easier, happier, better? I think it would.

Truth # 1 – Wisdom

You know your kids better than anyone. You know what makes them happy, what makes them giggle, what makes them scream and what fills them up and what excites them. You know what is right for your family. It is up to you to do it and make decisions without doubting or questioning your ability. Of course, you still may seek other opinions or ask advice, but when you make a plan, trust your wisdom and stick with it.

Accepting that you’re the expert on your kids also makes it easier to throw comparisons out the window. What works for one family might not work for another, given the uniqueness of your kids and your family circumstances. A confident mom is practical with realistic expectations and has a set of reality checks in place when she’s lost her cool to regroup, refocus and move forward with a sense of grace.

It helps to surround yourself with people that respect your parenting decisions and that support you in your “expert” role as a mom. Welcome people into your life that fill you with confidence and limit your time with those who don’t.

Truth # 2 – Direction

You know what you want for your family. It seems every time you turn around there is a different book with a “better” parenting philosophy. No matter if you’ve read all the books or none at all, as a mother you have an innate understanding of the life you want for yourself and for your family. Trust this knowledge to take you where you want to go. Be deliberate in the choices you make for your kids. Have the courage to make decisions that fit with your goals. Courage and confidence go hand-in-hand.

Truth # 3 – Wellness

Your health and wellness really matters. Taking care of yourself and filling yourself up is a big part of the confidence equation. Find simple pleasures that will help boost your energy throughout the day: sitting down for a cup of tea, lighting a candle in your kitchen while you prepare dinner, listening to relaxing music while you do chores or taking a shower before your day gets too crazy.

Parenting is a roller coaster with all kinds of flips and flops – change is constant and never ending. Learning coping mechanisms that help you “go with the flow” will bless your family, and help to keep your stress level down. Be proactive and create a space to nurture yourself, so that you can be the best you can be.

Truth # 4 – Humor

Laughter is the best medicine. A trait that I really admire in other moms who seem to cope remarkably well is a sense of humor. I have found that when I’m struggling with a challenging parenting issue, humor often works to bring the boys out of their funk and into a more cooperative place; the sillier the better for my little dudes. So laugh each day – it really does make a difference.

Truth # 5 – Love

Your children love you more than anyone else in the world. No one can replace you. Let this love guide you in your journey as a mom, and give you confidence in how you raise your children. When my wild little guy finally calms down, rests his weary head beside mine and tells me he loves me, it fills me up and gives me strength. I don’t always feel confident that I’m handling his challenging behavior effectively, but knowing that he thinks I’m the best person for the job keeps me going and gives me purpose.

As moms, we’re not always going to feel wise, deliberate, healthy, funny and loved. But by accepting these five truths, we can organize our life around the realities and strengths that we have, and not around others’ expectations of who we are and who we should be.

So the airplane landed in Penticton, my little family walked into the airport and jumped into Grandpa’s welcoming arms. I felt confident and happy, and it dawned on me that the other passengers weren’t really my judges. Their opinion didn’t matter. What mattered was the happiness of my little guys and the fact that we made it safe and sound… and I didn’t even have to pull out the lollipops!


Tagged as: children, Comox Valley, confidence, family, Kids, Marcie Dumais, Moms, Motherhood, Our Big Earth Media Co., parenting, Vancouver Island
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Comments

  • Kathy said:

    Great article Marcie. You’re a wonderful Mom, and one that I get inspiration from on a regular basis. xoxoxo

    -March 18th, 2010 at 5:45 am
  • Carol Anne said:

    You ARE the best person for the job:) That was one of the greatest compliments I felt I was ever given (by my sister-in-law) about my own children. Trusting that has given me strength and energy too. I am also thankful for my great friends for the tea and the laughter. Love the article and the Olympic analogies – feels like the Olympics every day sometimes! xo

    -March 18th, 2010 at 5:54 am
  • Another Robin said:

    Wonderfully, marvellously, spot-on, Marcie.
    I know there are times when I am appraised and judged – normally when I am raising my voice and being incredibly terse with my kids – and I regret that I am doing these things and the occasions for doing so are getting less and less BUT much as I would want someone to intervene if things were really seriously out of whack, I think most people should keep their comments, eye rolls, nudges, etc. to themselves. They don’t know the back story.
    Thank you for reminding me, Marcie, to dig deep and pull out my sense of humour when I need it most!
    You are a GREAT mum.

    -March 18th, 2010 at 7:50 am
  • Danielle said:

    Very well said Marcie – we place to much importance on what others think and should listen to our “mother’s instinct” with more confidence!

    -March 18th, 2010 at 11:30 am
  • Marcie said:

    Not that it is at all pertinent to the main message of my article, but I noticed that I mistakenly said to pack a full sippy cup for air travel. I meant to say an empty sippy cup because airport security will make you dump the liquid out if it is full (no biggie but this can upset the little dudes and throw you off your game). I find it is handy (and less messy) to have an empty one to pour purchased drinks into. Peace out, mommas!

    -March 18th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
  • Shelley said:

    You are an awesome mom! I loved the part about being “the best person for the job of being your child’s mother.” How very true! I used to judge other parents prior to having my own children “thinking I would never parent like that” and then once I had my own children the judgment changed to EMPATHY for other mothers. It has been great to have the support of my friends as we all grow up in our motherhood :)

    -March 18th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
  • JoAnne said:

    I like how you mentioned surrounding yourself with people who foster your mom awesomeness …. I often pull from my friends ‘parenting’ styles/ideas and tweek it to make it fit my philosophies because I do respect other mommies so much. So glad you had a great trip with the kidlets, dude you took them on a plane – you are a rockstar mom!

    -March 18th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
  • Marieke said:

    Awesome article, Marcie. I am inspired by so many great mom’s out there. Thanks for this…. timely in my life.

    -March 18th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
  • Wendy said:

    Loved this article Marcie. Good reality check, and one I think I’d like to print out and refer to again in those many times of doubts!

    -March 18th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
  • Karen M said:

    Marcie, great article – inspiring and affirming – thank you so much

    -March 18th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
  • Deepa said:

    Marcie…thanks for the words of wisdom! I needed it.

    -March 19th, 2010 at 1:50 pm

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